Chocolate Curry Tastes Traumatizingly Bad


Source: Village Vanguard
In an attempt to "spice" things up this Valentine's Day Japanese retailer Village Vanguard has come out with an alternative to plain old boring chocolate, chocolate flavored curry. Unfortunately, this horrible concoction tastes so awful that even Village Vanguard can't deny it.

On their website Village Vanguard actually lists this product as "It tastes awful! Chocolate Curry Happy Choco Flavor" (tonikaku mazui! chokoreeto karee happii choko aji). Yep, the product actually tells you that it tastes awful right in its name. And the official product description goes even further with this counter-intuitive marketing strategy by really painting a vivid picture of exactly how bad this curry is.

The product description for this abomination takes the form of a bizarre apologetic statement written by the supposed developer of this product, an individual known only as "N." The likelihood that this statement is true seems very low, however, it is still amusing to read. A full translation of this strange apology/sales pitch can be found below.
This year I had every intention of making a delicious curry but... 
When I started I truly intended to make a delicious curry.
To think that things turned out like this.
The first spoonful I tasted was of just the curry mix (roux). The moment I had my first taste, it was like time stopped.
My head was filled with confusion.
In order to try to comprehend what in the world had just happened I tried another spoonful.
Following the second spoonful, there were 5 seconds of silence, and then, I said "UGH! This is awful!"

However, in what I now realize was wishful thinking, I told myself "But, perhaps this is the kind of curry that tastes good with rice!"
And so it was time for my third spoonful, this time with rice.
However, as I held the spoon my hand began to shake and I was unable to raise the spoon.

Looking back on it later, I decided that my instinctual unconsciousness was moving independently from my conscious mind in order to tell me ""Don't eat it! It's dangerous!"

I am unable to say in this public statement what happened to me after I overcame my fear, so I will leave that up to your imagination.
However, I will say this. After I finished eating that day I thought "I have given birth to neither chocolate nor curry, but rather something else entirely."
You can get your hands on a pack of this frighteningly awful curry for just 540 yen (US$4.70) from the official Village Vanguard website. You probably shouldn't though, since the experience might leave you scarred for life.
Source: Village Vanguard
Source: Netorabo, Village Vanguard
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